This is just fragmentary. Some things were seen, others were understood. I was someone else in this dream. I think I was in high school or college, but definitely a student since some of the dream took place in a school building.

"Weird" light isnt necesarily better than the dark, but the dark is still scary. things can seek us out better in the dark when they have the lights. sort of like turning on your high beams in a deer field to blind them (i've never done this, but i understand it's popular with poor hunters).

innate uneasieness when you're in the dark, even in populated areas. "watch the edges around buildings at night, and shadows from large objects and even telephone poles, but mostly big areas of darkness like the woods and fields." (i saw the quoted part in text form, like i was reading it in a book.) when you can see distant city light but you're not there yet, that's the most dangerous because the things that want to find you stay close to people but are in larger groups on the outskirts of a city.

i have a close friendship with a teacher who reminds me of kathy bates. everyone thinks she's a lesbian, including me. i dont have many friends and am apparently troubled. when i get stressed out, she lets me come sit in her private office after school to write and she talks to me. every afternoon the older, black dean comes into her office to have a scotch and talk with her. one day i understand that they are quietly in love with each other and have been for 23 years but it has always been secret for reasons not revelaed to me. i think he is married. when i realize that they should have been together all this time, i tear up and start crying. it's the saddest thing.

im with a good friend, a female. we are going through some sort of outdoor cafteria line at night. maybe for a drive-in? i'm disgusted with the country fried steak. the operation is student-manned. the cashier, jose, whose employee number is 6579, is acting obnoxiously and singing. he's slowing down the line. people are going to call and complain. i am still just grossed out by the food but i get a country fried steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, broccoli, and a roll with a tiny tub of country crock spread. i head toward the car. i stop at a friends car to get something. am aware of something like headlights beaming on us from a nearby field but am not very troubled. i open the friend's car door but she appears to be sleeping so i go back to my other friend's car, the friend im staying with. it is chilly but not cold. she tosses a blanket toward my side of the car. i open the door and balance my food while grabbing the blanket to spread over me after i sit down. we sit down and begin eating. the light is getting brighter. i suggest that we turn on our own headlights, for no rational reason. the headlights dont immediately turn on and we get outside to check them. the other headlights flicker, grabbing our attention. there are strange loud whooping noises, many of them, all around but mostly coming from the direction of the headlights, which are rapidly becoming blinding. i understand that something is communicating with like others out there. i say for us to jump in the car. we do and hurry to roll up the windows. i start screaming to turn on the interior lights. it occurs to me to keep our lights on while simultaneuously blocking theirs, so i hold up my blanket to my window.

i wake up.

i fall back asleep.
*****WARNING: THE FOLLWING PROBABLY CONTAINS TOO MUCH INFORMATION, EVEN FOR A DREAM. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*****

I'm myself, but I'm an actor or some kind of performer. I'm in a dingy-looking place, and im being filmed. im with another woman and a man, and we're on a bed. the man looks like he is asleep and i understand that we are acting and that i am supposed to mourn him like he's dead. the other woman sits on the edge of the bed with her back towards us. she smells really good. i fake-cry and run my hands over the man's face. i lean forward and kiss him. i notice he has an erection and im vaguely attracted to him, but much more interested in the woman. i continue my fake grieving and the man who is filming calls cut and leaves the room. the man i was mourning sits up and smiles. he makes a comment about his "wood" (his word) and i just kind of nod. it's gotten much bigger. im scared of it. it's grown in length, to where it is almost under his chin. he says he wants to kiss me. i say ok. but he says he also wants to kiss the other woman. she walks over. i see that she and i are both naked. the man is topless. the woman is beautiful but she looks very sad. she sits down and we both kiss him. he focuses on me and pushes my head down. he coerces both of us into fellating him briefly. i feel disgusting and i just want to hold the pretty girl. he finishes and im left with a mouth full of semen, an incredible amount. i spit it out and lay my head on the woman's shoulder. i reach out to stroke her back in a comforting way, and the man slaps my hand away.

Who needs college when there's Jenny McCarthy?

I am really behind on dream posting. This is from a couple of days ago. I dreamt that I was at Al's, but there was a new manager, and I was effing up everything that I touched. All the knowledge I had had been stripped from my mind - I didn't know what clefs instruments read, I couldn't read a tenor clef, I couldn't work a cash register, and I couldn't turn on any lights. I stood in the dark pressing buttons on the cash register, and the receipt was in a shard of streetlight and just kept coming out wrong. I kept voiding everything, and the manager kept yelling at me. The store was dark, but it was fully staffed with strangers. People gathered around after their shift and I chit-chatted with another employee. The manager walked up to the back counter - which was still the actual back institutional sales counter but was located in a restaurant back room of some sort - and set down the botched up receipt and made a remark. I was fearing that he was about to fire me. He said something quietly that sounded like, "Get the hell out," but I didn't really understand him and I was afraid to ask him to repeat it. He turned to go, but I stood frozen. After a second someone said, "I thought he was going to fire you." Another said, "He told us that he was, so I don't really understand." I was livid that he had gone behind my back. I threw open a back door I've never seen before and stomped out into the rain. I am sloshing across the parking lot when a tall blonde asks me what the matter is. She's partly a character named Lane from Curious Wine, and the rest of her is Jenny McCarthy. I go into the spiel about my boss and the manager being dicks and gossiping about me and she says, "You should come work for me." And I return jokingly, "Yeah, personal assistant to Jenny McCarthy might look really good on a resume." She smiles and looks at me hard. "Really?" I realize that she is offering me a job. I realize I'm about to get fired anyway. "Yeah," I say, summoning my courage and tromping through the downpour to where she's standing under the awning. "Great! You can start tonight!" she says, and my gut sinks in horror as I realize that I will now have to blow off my next shift at Al's because she's Jenny McCarthy. She starts circling things in a planner and looks at me and hands me an umbrella. "First, you hold this umbrella for me while I get to my SUV," she says, and points to a big silver tank of a truck. I realize I have no idea what a "personal assistant" position entails. "You'll do fine," she assures me, reading my mind. I scurry along with her, but keeping the blue umbrella centered over her proves challenging. Then I'm back at Al's, and the unhappy group is surrounding me, and I'm sweating and trying to explain why I blew off my shift.

Dreambitapalooza

It was a veritable carnival of anxiety dreams in my skull last night. Bollocks, I can't remember many specifics of any of them.

1. It's zombie walk day and not very many people have shown up. Worse yet is that the ones that have shown up don't seem too terribly excited, and are underdressed and underwhelming and guess who feels like a total failure? No, come on. You can guess. That's right. THIS CHUMP.

2. I am riding in a car with a blonde-haired European dude who looks like some kind of weird Elijah Wood knockoff. He is being a pretentious asshole about something ... though I don't remember what ... and I'm trying to console him by telling him it's not really as bad as he thinks. And as soon as I reach out to touch him, he acts repulsed and freaks out and wrecks the car. We are careening off the road when I force myself to wake up.

3. I'm in an odd and foreboding version of my great-grandmother's house. It seems like there's some sort of permanent darkness outside. I'm hiding out from someone. Someone who feels drunk and violent. I try to lock myself in the bathroom but spend several harrowing seconds trying to get the door to latch and then lock. It doesn't matter anyway; the door feels thin like it's made out of balsa wood and could be smashed by a single pissed-off fist. Whoever's looking for me gets in the house ... and I remember having to leave the house and get into a car ... feels like there may have been rain. I don't know where we ended up going.