I ripped a page from the Lindsey Turner Dreambook.
Fox News, fresh off their Demo-snubbing at the hands of John Edwards, invited Nashville, Tenn. bloggers to a Town Hall discussion about the hot little 2008 prez race.
Bloggers would introduce themselves to Fox viewers with cheeseball lines such as, "My name is Katherine Coble of Just A Pretty Farce. I want the government to stay the hell out of our lives. In 2008, I want to see Jacob Sullum in the White House. You guessed it, Fred Barnes. I'm a Libertarian."
And then you would have some cocky celeb such as libertarian Denis Leary and he would say something like "Amen, sister!" to Coble's admission.
When time came for me, I wanted to say something like "I'm a liberal with libertarian tendencies. Plus, I've been researching libertarian-socialism on the Internet lately, and I think that label best fits me despite being somewhat of an oxymoron."
But the Fox News brass said something to the effect of "our viewers are dumb as rocks. Your identity would only cause their brain cells to fissure because they're retarded."
So I went with liberal. And here's what I said.
"My name is Joey Hood. I used to have a blog called TV on the Fritz. I believe in equal rights for gays and universal health care. In 2008, I want to see a tranny in the White House. Holyfuck, I must be a liberal!"
Then I had some fat lesbian celeb such as Rosie O' Donnell who snapped, "you go sister friend."