This is just fragmentary. Some things were seen, others were understood. I was someone else in this dream. I think I was in high school or college, but definitely a student since some of the dream took place in a school building.

"Weird" light isnt necesarily better than the dark, but the dark is still scary. things can seek us out better in the dark when they have the lights. sort of like turning on your high beams in a deer field to blind them (i've never done this, but i understand it's popular with poor hunters).

innate uneasieness when you're in the dark, even in populated areas. "watch the edges around buildings at night, and shadows from large objects and even telephone poles, but mostly big areas of darkness like the woods and fields." (i saw the quoted part in text form, like i was reading it in a book.) when you can see distant city light but you're not there yet, that's the most dangerous because the things that want to find you stay close to people but are in larger groups on the outskirts of a city.

i have a close friendship with a teacher who reminds me of kathy bates. everyone thinks she's a lesbian, including me. i dont have many friends and am apparently troubled. when i get stressed out, she lets me come sit in her private office after school to write and she talks to me. every afternoon the older, black dean comes into her office to have a scotch and talk with her. one day i understand that they are quietly in love with each other and have been for 23 years but it has always been secret for reasons not revelaed to me. i think he is married. when i realize that they should have been together all this time, i tear up and start crying. it's the saddest thing.

im with a good friend, a female. we are going through some sort of outdoor cafteria line at night. maybe for a drive-in? i'm disgusted with the country fried steak. the operation is student-manned. the cashier, jose, whose employee number is 6579, is acting obnoxiously and singing. he's slowing down the line. people are going to call and complain. i am still just grossed out by the food but i get a country fried steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, broccoli, and a roll with a tiny tub of country crock spread. i head toward the car. i stop at a friends car to get something. am aware of something like headlights beaming on us from a nearby field but am not very troubled. i open the friend's car door but she appears to be sleeping so i go back to my other friend's car, the friend im staying with. it is chilly but not cold. she tosses a blanket toward my side of the car. i open the door and balance my food while grabbing the blanket to spread over me after i sit down. we sit down and begin eating. the light is getting brighter. i suggest that we turn on our own headlights, for no rational reason. the headlights dont immediately turn on and we get outside to check them. the other headlights flicker, grabbing our attention. there are strange loud whooping noises, many of them, all around but mostly coming from the direction of the headlights, which are rapidly becoming blinding. i understand that something is communicating with like others out there. i say for us to jump in the car. we do and hurry to roll up the windows. i start screaming to turn on the interior lights. it occurs to me to keep our lights on while simultaneuously blocking theirs, so i hold up my blanket to my window.

i wake up.

i fall back asleep.

I'm myself, but I'm an actor or some kind of performer. I'm in a dingy-looking place, and im being filmed. im with another woman and a man, and we're on a bed. the man looks like he is asleep and i understand that we are acting and that i am supposed to mourn him like he's dead. the other woman sits on the edge of the bed with her back towards us. she smells really good. i fake-cry and run my hands over the man's face. i lean forward and kiss him. i notice he has an erection and im vaguely attracted to him, but much more interested in the woman. i continue my fake grieving and the man who is filming calls cut and leaves the room. the man i was mourning sits up and smiles. he makes a comment about his "wood" (his word) and i just kind of nod. it's gotten much bigger. im scared of it. it's grown in length, to where it is almost under his chin. he says he wants to kiss me. i say ok. but he says he also wants to kiss the other woman. she walks over. i see that she and i are both naked. the man is topless. the woman is beautiful but she looks very sad. she sits down and we both kiss him. he focuses on me and pushes my head down. he coerces both of us into fellating him briefly. i feel disgusting and i just want to hold the pretty girl. he finishes and im left with a mouth full of semen, an incredible amount. i spit it out and lay my head on the woman's shoulder. i reach out to stroke her back in a comforting way, and the man slaps my hand away.


Overly friendly

I have apparently gone to visit my friend James* in the UK. He is living in a huge house that is absolutely bustling with people. Diverse people, in and out, through every room, so much so that we find ourselves unable to procure any place in the house where we can be alone to catch up. Everywhere we go, someone is watching. Even when we go into the bathroom, I realize that the damn door has windows in it for some reason.

I see Fritz asleep on the staircase in what looks to be an incredibly uncomfortable position. I ask James if there's no better place where Fritz can go to sleep, like maybe James' bed, and he hesitates and tells me that even his own bed is in a high-traffic area.

James tells me that it's always like this in the house. People he doesn't know sleeping in beds in shifts, rotating out, lying around on couches and floors, crap piled everywhere. It freaks me out. I ask him how he can live like that, thinking to myself how much I cherish the solitude of my little apartment. He mostly shrugs it off, though I can tell he doesn't exactly love it either, but perhaps has no other choice.

He leans in to kiss me, and I kiss back, except he won't remove his tongue from my mouth, even when I make the "I'm pulling back" head motion/lip tightening action. I keep kissing him, thinking he must just be really into it, or maybe this is a new style of kissing in which you can't breathe or move, but his damned tongue is just a slab of concrete in my mouth, and I find myself really confused by his sudden inability to kiss well.

*Name kind of changed to protect the dream innocent


Agustus Gloop

I'm back in school at what I guess is the local university since I know I'm still in town. At the beginning, I sat in a lecture that was pretty nondescript although the seating was much like an arena rather than a regular classroom. Those lovely desks with the desk part you have to swing up after you sit down were arranged in a circle around a dais.

After that, I walk with a few people who are talking about classes they have and when they're going to exercise. At this point, I realize I'm wearing clothes for cooler weather to disguise how fat I'm getting.

I also realize I don't know my way around this university and the people I've been tagging along with are annoyed I'm there. I drop back as they walk away and wonder to myself how I'm going to get through this year.

Later, I see one of the members of that group I had walked with running in a race through an area with which I'm familiar. I think to myself that I could easily go run out there and not feel so fat any more. Happily, I go to the lecture hall.

At first I sit one desk away from a chick who immediately rolls her eyes and says "oh great ..."

"Fine," I say and move one row back. As I'm sitting there, I unwrap chocolates I have brought with me and eat them. Every time I unwrap one, people nearby turn and throw annoyed looks at me.

The chocolates are soft and I'm licking my fingers in between eating them as I scribble a few notes and generally don't pay attention to the lecture. After a few chocolates, I'm keenly aware of just how fat I am and how much people around me hate me.