I'm in the house in which I grew up and I notice there are a fair number of cobwebs in the corners and around the place.

Then, this one woman I don't recognize is telling me that there are in fact spiders everywhere, but I haven't been looking at them.

So, I start looking around and I realize ... she's right. There are spiders building webs all over the place. In fact, I'm surrounded by them. It's a labyrinth of webs and I'm stuck in them. To get out of the house means I'm covered in webs and spiders.

I look down and realize two light brown monsters have already made their way onto my clothing. I pull off a shoe and fling them off me, then beat them to pulps once they land. Then, I start swinging my shoe through the air, clearing the cobwebs and killing spiders in the way.

I have a nice bubble around myself cleared only to realize ... I haven't been seeing the smaller filaments. Now I realize there are still more around me as I furiously swing my shoe in an effort to clear them.

Then, in the ultimate brain-telling-itself-that-this-is-psycho moment, several people walk up oblivious to the webs and spiders and ask me what I'm doing. "I'm clearing the spider webs. Don't you guys see them? They're everywhere! And spiders, too!"

"No," they say ...

Straightjackets on sale only $29.95. I swear ...


Lighthouse Pilot said...

ooooooh...I wonder if a spider was on you and your subconscious picked up on it and ran with it? That'd be coo...no...no, that wouldn't be cool. Spiders are not cool.

Tangential said...

No, but you weren't the only one who thought that might be it. I woke up spiderless, thank God.