From the Dream Log I forgot I had

Oh, hell, why not throw these two up here for good measure? They come from a Word document I apparently created in April 2005 in order to track my dreams. That project was shortlived.

Date unknown
First lucid dream, had while sleeping at my parents' house

In real life, my dad and grandmother were fighting. In my dream, they were fighting, and I was diplomatically trying to explain to my dad why his iron-fisted demands would not work on Grandmaw. I was using a TV analogy (sadly) to explain to my dad why my grandmother would never see it his way. “It's like you're a fan of this TV show, and you're watching it, and suddenly the directors decide to take it somewhere you don't necessarily agree with. You can write letters to them and complain about what they're doing, but ultimately they have complete creative control.” Of course, the analogy really breaks down in the waking world (if I really tried to explain it like that to him, he might laugh me out of the house), but at the time it made a lot of sense. I remember that about the time I said "creative control," I realized I was dreaming, because I was like, "Whoa, I was just falling asleep a minute ago!" I didn't panic right away, but I felt almost embarrassed or like I was in danger and needed to return to the waking world. For a fleeting moment, I wanted to just go with it and see where the dream took me, but once I realized I was dreaming, I felt compelled to regain control, and the only way I knew how to do that was to wake up. So I forced myself. It felt like I was coming up from deep water, out of darkness. It always feels like that when I wake myself up. Normally, though, I'm not fully in a dream when it happens; I'm usually lingering right on the brink of dreaming. But when I woke up, I felt incredibly vulnerable, my heart was pounding, and I was a little afraid to go back to sleep.

April 25, slept 3 a.m.-10 a.m.
Home (Lynnfield Place apartments)

Before bed, read Lighthousekeeping and As Long As We’re Together.
Had a string of dreams: One involved me feeling like I was in our old Hooker’s Bend house (but actually a surreal reinterpretation of it). Another – the lucid part – involved me standing in the middle of a road, realizing at some point that I was dreaming, and pushing myself to do something fantastic: fly. So I put my arms out, as if to dive into the sky, and I took off without any trouble. It was amazing, and not as scary as my last lucid dream. But, while in flight, the lucid dream transitioned right into another dream, but I was tricked and thought I had waken up. The dream involved me recounting my lucid dream to my dad, who expressed surprise and concern that I could control my dreams. He never outright said it, but I assumed that he felt lucid dreaming was in some way evil or risky (the same way getting your palm read or doing something else to tamper with the unknown would be considered evil), even though I didn’t feel vulnerable or scared of what I’d done. Then the dream transitioned into another involving my dad, my brother and my uncle (all the men of my family). We were near water and a dock, and discussing Beach Boys tunes, and which was the best. I woke up with “That’s Not Me” in my head.

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